He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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