I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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