I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
