Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
