He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I believe in your delicious
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
