lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He better not be in your backpack
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
