I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
