There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
