The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
