I hate your face
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
