better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
She made me pour olive oil on her.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
