fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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