Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
