My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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