Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
