I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I think I just sharted jello shots
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
