I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
