R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
