this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
do nipples grow back?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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