Is it because I queefed?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
