you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
