Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
