I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
