the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
