He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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