sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
