Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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