The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
