i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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