tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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