just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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