Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
