i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
