if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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