I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
