why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
