you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
