all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
