My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
