yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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