First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
