i love accidental penises.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
