a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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