Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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