SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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