i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize