I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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