Michael Bay diarrhea
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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