my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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