There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
not ubering you a puppy
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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