You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
