Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
