I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
