Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
