Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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