No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
