She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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