Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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