oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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