I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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