I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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