I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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