Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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