You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
