in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
