I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
