I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
