4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
