I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
