She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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