My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
