I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Randomize
