wanna go halves on a baby?
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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