Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
