tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
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