Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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