If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize