I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You can't just leave with hair like that
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
