1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
