Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
