why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
The adults are the big ones right?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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