made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I have peed in a lot of sinks
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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