If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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