What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
